A MAGA Wishlist to Close Out Another Successful Election
By DeWitt Cheng
October 26, 2024
The Elusive Indie Voter
These still-undecided voters in seven battleground states will decide our national fate. Who can they possibly be, what can they know, and what the heck do they believe in? There they are, hiding in plain sight, MAGA written all over them.
Who the Hell Needs Debate Prep
Formal study is not required of MAGA voters born with MIT-grade genes plus $400 million worth of privilege. There is no more need to consider debate tactics than there is for reading boring briefing manuals before meetings with foreign leaders. Play golf and go in, fresh: the Larry King strategy. Just do the weave, all of the digressions eventually will come together to spell MAGA.
AI-Assisted MAGA Cosplay
Now we get Photoshopped NFT's and add to that AI-generated news photos. Let’s see, Clint Eastwood and Sylvester Stallone packing some serious MAGA heat. Orwell and Huxley were right about fear and distraction. That’ll get Harris shivering in her pantsuit and heels, right?
Project 2025 Siri
Conception will become a breeze with Elon Musk's new digital implants. Working with immigration czar-to-be Steven Miller, only authorized MAGA couples will receive this new benefit. Tariffs will pay for IVF treatments, so insurance company contributions will no longer be necessary. This way every pure blooded MAGA couple can humbly enjoy nuclear familyhood.
Phishers of Men and Women
Always cite Trump's astounding numbers to dubious libs to make them cry; so many MAGA patriots can't be wrong. MAGA women are so confident that they will be fine without a helping of salmon Roe because they can count on their phishy protector. What have the rest of you ladies got to lose? Pass the blinis.
Wag the Dogs and Cats.
Haitian immigrants are eating pets in Ohio, and FEMA workers are harvesting lithium in Florida. Remember when "American carnage" first came to an end in 2017? After four years of disastrous Biden-Harris policies we have to MAG all over A. America’s pets are on the verge of extinction due to hungry illegal immigrants … and the legal ones too as soon as MAGA man rules the rest to be illegal as well if they don’t pass the smell test. And now the alien invaders have taken over FEMA so that only corrupt Biden-Harris zombies in Florida, Georgia, and North Carolina are pulled from the floods and anyone MAGA is left to drown.
Enemies From Within
Yes, the "mobocracy" enemies are within, as the only President greater than Lincoln predicted. These are some very bad people, radical left worms trying to drill right into your brain, taking you over, taking over your ghost for Halloween and after that your soul. I’ll handle it very easily with the National Guard and, if necessary, the whole damned MAGA military.
Garage Garbage Sale
Some people say the MAGA Utopia will last a thousand years. Enemy historians of little faith demur. They say that instead of a MAGA Utopia it will be a MAGA Garbage Pile. Everything must go. But there is money to be made, so never surrender, vengeance is ours. Wrap yourselves in a flag and it will all make beautiful MAGA sense. Just listen to me; I alone will fix it.
