Two Weeks that Charged the World
By DeWitt Cheng
August 31, 2024
Samson In MAGA Temple (Let Trump Be Trump! Go Out in a Blaze of Glory, Sir!) (August 15)
Trump’s numbers are starting to slip as more people remember the chaos and confusion of Crazytown, Part 1: 2017-2021 and tune out his tedious shtick, now delivered with diminished gusto and more gaffes. Nevertheless, after a mere 20-30 minutes of Mr. Nice Guy to open his nomination acceptance speech, he reverted to the old sneering, sarcasm and paranoid fantasy. Hulk Hogan’s short T-shirt gets grafted onto a shot of Victor Mature’s suicidal victory over his Philistine captors from Cecil B. DeMille’s 1949 “Samson and Delilah.” Taylor Swift (on whom The Donald clearly has a crush) as Wonder Woman stands near Samson’s shorn hairpiece to reveal that the MAGA champion is, to quote from Monty Python’s “The Life of Brian,” “afflicted with a bald patch.” Emasculated, he made a solemn promise that he is entitled to make personal attacks on Kamala Harris, citing her lack of respect. “Lord, I am affected by a bald patch.” (Harry to Brian, scene 19, “Life of Brian”)
Fight, Fight, Fight (Mulligan) (August 16)
In 2021, Trump presented the Presidential Medal of Freedom to wealthy GOP donor Miriam Adelson, the widow of casino owner Sherman Adelson. Last week he compared that medal favorably to the Congressional Medal of Honor, awarded for conspicuous military valor, sometimes posthumously: "That’s the highest award you can get as a civilian” Trump said of the Medal of Freedom, “it’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor. But civilian version, it’s actually much better because everyone [who] gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many times by bullets or they’re dead. She gets it, and she’s a healthy, beautiful woman.” Fore, and Semper Fi!
That’s My Dad! (The Mighty Men are Again Heard From) (August 21)
Obama's subtly executed dig at Little Don's package reminded me that Repubs exhibited photos of Hunter Biden's endowment in Congress, and earlier, in 1999, wanted to examine photos of Bill Clinton's willy. Greatness is just thrust upon some people due to their outstanding genes. Others, in spite of, say, a learning disability. Gus Walz’s moving moment at the Democratic Convention left most of us deeply touched, but not the untouched, unloved minions of the GOP, marinated in conformist scorn, contempt, and self-loathing. Think before you tweet, Laura, Tucker, Jesse, Alan, Ann, Rudy, Ron, Louis, Glenn, Kari, Melania, Don, Jr., Eric, Lara, Steve, Steven, Dan, Lauren, Louie, J.D., Marjorie, Kelly Anne, Toni, Ted, Tim, Paul, Joe H., Lindsey, and Jay, if you are lesser liars than Donald. “Meet my son, Gus. He’s a blubbering bitch boy.” (Milwaukee AM radio host Jay Weber)
We Know Your Typing (August 22)
Kamala Harris’s jab at Trump at the Democratic National Convention was deliciously cited and faultlessly delivered. At last the Dems are learning to fight the lies and logorrhea. Will Americans finally, at long last, decide that this pitiful, blustering ex-boyfriend is not their type, after all? “Just imagine Donald Trump with no guardrails. How he would use the immense powers of the presidency of the United States — not to improve your life, but to serve the only client he has ever had: himself.” (Kamala Harris’ acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention)
Mute the Mics (Save Him from Himself) (August 26)
The Trump campaign, worried that Trump will eat himself being triggered by Harris’s barbs into yet another meltdown, wants to mute The Great Negotiator’s microphone when he’s not on the debate clock. The Harris campaign wants to Let Trump Be Trump in order to refresh the memories of casual voters: “They don’t think their candidate can act presidential for 90 minutes on his own.” (Harris spokesperson Brian Fallon)
Loser to Rock Star (Veterans Applaud Former President for Showcasing Their Sacrifices) (August 27)
Trump’s appearance with a wreath at Arlington National Cemetery’s Area 60, where recent military casualties are buried, may have fooled some grieving families into posing with him, but people who remember his contempt for “suckers” and losers” will see the ploy for what it is: a desperate attempt to win back the military vote. "You f****** MAGA m************ veterans. They're okay with this treasonous traitor. As I said, your f****** service means nothing because the oath that I took and the f****** oath that you took you s****** on.” (Navy veteran Brad Berkwitt)
RFK’s Final Veep Regent Offer (Transactional Politics Behind the Onstage Hugs) (August 27)
Kick Kennedy, RFK Junior’s daughter, recently revealed that ten years ago, when he was sixty, the new Trump aide, who has always been fascinated with dead animals, chain sawed a dead whale’s head off and bungee-corded it to the roof of his car, driving a sloppy and stinking five hours home to New York. Naturally this suggested the famous “Godfather” “offer he can’t refuse” bedroom scene and a “strange bedfellows” path to Camelot, Jr. “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.” (Marlon Brando as Vito Corleone, “The Godfather”)
